GOOGLE MY ASS – It’s All About the #Tags

GOOGLE MY ASS – It’s All About the #Tags

Nicki Minaj, a true humanitarian to the millennial generation once spit the line, “Only time u on the net is when you Google my ass, you fucking little whores.”

Nicki makes a valid point; her ass is all over the Internet.

Why isn’t my ass all over the Internet?

When I Google myself (Michael Justin Chavez), I get articles about Cesar Chavez and other Michael Chavezes.

Not one single result brings up a picture or information pertaining to me. Not even this blog.

This is why I am having trouble becoming famous.

famous

No one can see all of my potential to inspire and entertain people. All my work is unsearchable and because of this, I am a nobody.

Even my boss forgets who I am. Sometimes I walk into his office to ask him a question, and he will ask, “Who are you again?”

My own mother forgets my name, the woman who named me. She calls me names that are not even close to Justin, like “It” or “You” and “Slave.”

I want to be a Public Relations Professional but I can’t even get the public to recognize who I am.

How am I going to get a job if employers can’t ‘Google my ass’?

I researched and found the easiest way to strengthen my Internet presence.

Tagging. It is all about the tags.

My blog does not have any tags.

This is an obvious “Duh Justin, tags are crucial to the publication process.”

Well, I did not know the importance of tagging until I cam across “The Importance of Tagging Your Website” when I Googled “Why am I not famous yet?”

“Website owners often ask, “What’s so important about tagging my website?” there’s only one good answer: Everything. Your ranking will depend in large part on the tagging that controls your web site behind the scenes,” Bryan Loconto, the author of this article, said.

“Everything that we once hired a traditional public relations firm to handle for our businesses offline is now being done online. And it’s called Internet presence marketing,” said Andrew Lehrfeld, the founder of Internet Presence Marking.

So you can bet your ‘bottom’ dollar I will have this blog tagged.

Tagging will help me become famous and easily found on Google like Nicki Minaj so employers and talent agents can easily find my work 😉

I Aint Got No Class

Let me first start off saying, “FUCK professionalism.”

The word professionalism bothers me because it reminds me of boring, old, adult, sleep, torture… math.

I do not want my blog to be professional. I want it to be me.

Am I a professional?

No.

Do I want to be?

Yes.

But there is a distinction between being professional in your job and being professional in your art.

People have different perceptions on what it means to be professional and what professionalism looks like.

If writing is an art, then shouldn’t we allow the authors to express themselves?

Shouldn’t I be able to use the words I want to make people feel what I feel? Or even use certain words to evoke emotion?

In class and from online articles I have seen a pattern where public relations people like to be viewed and or seen as professional.

Yes. I get it. Be clean and tidy and use your big girl words. Be respectful, polite and mature.

As a public relations major, I would like to be seen as organized, interesting, creative, fun, entertaining, sporadic, spontaneous and still able to meet deadlines and accomplish tasks.

What I am trying to figure out is, why does my blog have to come across as professional like I am writing for a PR firms blog?

Because I am not.

I am simply trying to express my personal thoughts on public relations through my writing.

I agree to cross my T’s and dot my I’s and do the best I can to make sense of my writing.

But, I will not whatsoever try to write professional tips on my personal blog ever again.

I hated writing a professional tips blog and I did not care to go back and edit it.

I need experience writing for a professional blog, but I first I think I need experience writing for myself.

Like Jeff Goins said in his blog, Goins Writer, to be a good writer you need to “Get inspired. Hard to explain, but there’s a part of the writing process that is mysterious. You can’t take full responsibility for what you create. A good writer knows how to avail herself to the Muse. She knows inspiration is like breathing for the creative spirit.”

Once I have mastered writing pieces that I find interesting, I will then go onto writing PR tips.

I am trying to be a professional writer, but to get there I need to practice writing for myself.

This will allow me to use my skills in to make professional writing more interesting.

I am, right now, a ‘dope ass hoe’ learning to become a good writer.

In order for me to practice good writing I need to write in a way I find interesting, writing without any class 😉

Then, once I have effectively learned that, I will be able to start writing about boring topics and make them interesting.

OKSTUPID

In the past week I have created an About.me, a blog, a Twitter, a Linked In account and an online dating profile. These profiles were required for the class to help us find jobs when we graduate. I didn’t want any of these things but I was told to make them, well… everything except the online dating profile.

oops

It was never my plan in life to create an online dating profile. Personally, I think people on online dating websites smell like hamster cages and are socially awkward.

Hampster

I want to find love generically. I want to find love like in the movies where I am running through a scenic park and trip on something ridiculous like a leaf and fall into someone’s drop-dead-gorgeous body like Bradley Cooper and his strong arms catch my fall, pick me up and lay me on a bench and offers me water from his Camelback. This will then lead us to our first kiss and we live happily ever after.

Bradley-Cooper-shirtless-GIF

But I have come to realize this will never happen because I never go running. In real life when I fall, you know who catches me? The bouncer.

Anyways, so I made an online dating profile on OKCupid.

It all started when I was Googling masculinity tests online for a program to prove that the level of your masculinity does not determine your sexuality. The first one that popped up was OKCupid. At first I was hesitant, but it said no profile needed to take the test. Great right? So I start taking the masculinity test which was only 10 questions. Then I the hit button on the bottom that said, “view your results,” which takes me to a page that said, “To view your results, you must first sign in or create and account.”

A little of me died inside as I rolled my eyes and dropped my head. I don’t want to be one of those people who smells like a hamster cage. If any of my friends found out that I made a dating profile they would say, “So, you couldn’t lose your virginity in real life, you’re going to try to lose it online?”

Shade

This is how my friends and I encourage each other to be better people.

So I ended up creating and account, but I told myself, it is only for my program, once I get the information I will delete the account before anyone knows.

That didn’t happen at all.

I first see “Getting Started” where I could use Facebook for a faster sign up or put in all my information manually. There was no way I was going to let all of my mother’s friends and family know I am still a lonely single virgin, so I put in all of the information myself.

Then it starts asking me to answer a couple of questions to understand my personality before it can show me my masculinity results. Perfect. So I get asked questions like:

1.) If forced to choose, would you give up

The right to vote

The right to bear arms

7.) STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to:

My answer: 98754

Correct answer: 89547

HOW THE F did I mess that UP, now I look stupid on this dating profile. It took me 30 minutes to answer that question. And I can’t go back to change it to make myself seem smart until 24 hours have passed. I don’t even… okay whatever.

So after 10 questions of that, I click the button to move on, but then it tells me, “You must first answer 50 questions before you can move on.” FML.

The more questions I answer the more I am invested in my profile. After I answer all 50 questions, it tells me to select three guys I am interested in to get a feel of my type. I could have just selected three random guys, but I took my sweet time and selected the ones with shirtless profile pictures with defined abs to let it know my type is ‘way out of my league.’

Then I hear a ring and see a note that says, “You have a new message.” My heart dropped, my face light up and I peed a little. My Bradley Cooper had finally found me and wanted to marry me. I clicked the inbox to where I received a message from the creators of OKCupid and wanted to know if I wanted to pay for a premium account. I sure did.

Then, more rings went off alerting me that eight people are looking at my profile and that everyone is interested in me. I felt like the cool kid in elementary who brought Hot Cheetos to recess and all the popular kids couldn’t get enough of me, or my Cheetos.

Cheetos

I thought hmm… maybe if I added a photo of myself, more people would like me. As soon as I did I received a message from the hottest bear (hairy muscular gay man) who said, “Oh my god. You might be the cutest thing I have ever seen.” This might be the first time he has said this to anyone. My Bradley Cooper had come at last.

LOL hamp

I then accidentally clicked on someone else’s profile in my excitement. He was very attractive and had the funniest bio. Some of the things he said were:

“I’m constantly a bridesmaid, never a bride, and always the first mate’s bitch. If you’re miss universe, I’m miss Tulsa.”

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. I decided that it would be a good idea to fill in my bio if I wanted people to know the real me. This was my opening:

I wake up from a California King Bed covered by a laced canopy and to the songs of canaries flying through my window each morning. Then Beyonce, my personal assistant, walks into my room with a cup of coffee and a buttered muffin wearing 6 in. Tom Ford Heels and tells me I am beautiful. Then I do a full-body workout and it only takes 3 min and Beyonce wipes my head with a towel. I take a shower and turn on the news and every news anchor on Fox, CNN, ABC News and E! are talking about my theory about viruses and how they were created in the future and sent back in time for population control.

Then I hear the sound of my alarm to a message that says “Wake up Bitch, you’ve never liked buttered muffins!”

My hubby then messaged me saying, “And your profile deserves a Pulitzer.”

That was it. I found the love of my life in two hours on an online dating website. I replied to him a couple times. We are taking it slow for now. We just started talking two days ago.

I never did see my masculinity results. I forgot all about them. I still don’t know where they are. I was completely sucked into OKCupid. It kept telling me how great I am and how everyone can’t get enough of me. I felt like Jennifer Lawrence after the Hunger Games premiered. Everyone cared about me and thought I was the best. As a public relations major I have decided this was the best way to get people to love your client’s product and image. Make it about the person. Everyone is interested in themself.

Thats-So-Me-COLFER

An article from Forbs Magazine, “To Succeed in Sales, Suspend Your Self-Interest,” quoted Bob Burg who said, “Top salespeople, the best of the best, understand that when it comes to selling, it isn’t about them or their product or service. It’s about the other person and how they benefit from it.”

C.E.L PR and Marketing Firm said that one of the five ways to reap results the field is to be authentic and ask yourself “what value do you bring to your customers? It’s not about you. It’s about them, so how can you give them what they need to make their lives easier and bring them success?”

I am an idiot who fell in love with OKSTUPID because it has mastered the art of making it all about me.

stupic cupid